(In)Visibility

cw: brief mention of gun violence, mention of suicidality

Today was an exhausting day. It was out of line with my usual sleep schedule because we had a therapy appointment at 2. The therapy appointment was generally unproductive, as during the appointment the news broke that the shooter in Nashville was a trans man. It distracted me and sent me into a bit of a spiral today.

I walked to my apartment's leasing office to submit the paperwork for a transfer. We'll be moving at the end of May. I'm happy for this move because the new apartment is bigger and has an actual bedroom, as opposed to the studio in which I currently live. It's also more secure, being on the second floor as opposed to near the ground floor where I currently am.

I quipped to a friend, "Wouldn't it be a hoot if I killed myself during the Transgender Day for Visibility?" It's coming up later this week. Unfortunately my depression hasn't improved, and I continue to suffer severely. I don't plan on it, but if it happened, no one should be surprised.

The move gives me hope. Just a little bit of hope, but hope nonetheless. I have a busy week ahead. Will I be able to distract my mind enough? Only time will tell.

Marsha, get the bricks.